Why my mom should knock out all her teeth and replace them with Chuck Norris' fingertips

This happened yesterday, and I might or might not have been under the influence of Ambien at the time, so this very well might have been a total hallucination. But for my own selfish purposes, I'm going to say it totally happened. Which it might have. But I'm not sure. Kind of.

Another day, another public post on my Facebook wall from my mom saying to "check my inbox" because this time I have a very important message from her. Apparently she's getting 42 more cavities filled and 14 teeth pulled again. Really? I mean, aren't you out of teeth by now?? Or is your dentist named Jigsaw? (For those of you that are too fancy to watch Saw movies, Jigsaw is a pretty sweet character that loves him some psychological torture!) I also love how he rides that awesome tricycle!

 

I just spent the last 20 minutes googling "serial killers that ride tricycles." Surprisingly, that wasn't as interesting of a search as it might sound...

So, back to Jigsaw Dentist. I made the awesome suggestion that instead of repeating dental work that apparently doesn't seem to be a fantastic long term solution, perhaps she should have Chuck Norris pull out all of her teeth and replace them with his fingertips. Why? Why NOT? Chuck Norris is so awesome that he could win a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves and frankly I just don't see how having his ninja fingers in your mouth could be a bad thing. Like, ever.